gallery

Meru National Pictures:

Stuttering Cat

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says. Little Johnny raises his hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,” he volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked young Johnny to describe the incident.

“Well,” he began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.

“It sure was!” said Johnny. “My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’… and before he could say “F*ck”, the Rottweiler ate him!”

Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly
prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests…
MESS TEST:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet
flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish
stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may
substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over
the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not
scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you
shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they
eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making
sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the
ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of
soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of
sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the
bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up,
pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen
more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make
breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave
it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to
help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and
arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a
newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT:

Find a couple that already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can
improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s
table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they
should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be
the last time you will have all the answers.
THE 11TH HUSBAND

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 Husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to ‘Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin’.

‘What?’ said the puzzled groom. ‘How can that be if you’ve been married ten times.?’

‘Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

‘Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.

‘Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

‘Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

‘Husband # 5 was an Engineer,he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the art method.

‘Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not

‘Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

‘Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

‘Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

‘Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was……….. God I miss him.

‘But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited’.

‘Wonderful’, said the husband, ‘but why?

‘You’re with the ‘GOVERNMENT’..

This time I KNOW I’M gonna get SCREWED.’

REINCARNATION?


Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening
stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was
already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the
end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe.

“Who the hell are you?” demanded Dave, “and what are
you doing in my bedroom?”

The mysterious man answered “This isn’t your bedroom
and I’m St Peter.”

Dave was stunned “You mean I’m dead!?!! That can’t be,
I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family. . . you’ve
got to send me back straight away.”

St Peter replied “Yes, you can be reincarnated but
there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.”

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not
far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light
later
he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re
the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”

“It’s not so bad” replies Dave, “but I have this
strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode.”

“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell
me you’ve never laid an egg before?”

“Never!” replies Dave.

“Well just relax and let it happen”

So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later,
an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept
over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness
was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the
best thing that ever happened to him . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his
third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his
wife shouting…
“Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you’ve shit the
bed.
“DESIGNATED DRIVER”

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Lincoln , RI .

After last call at the Lodge, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his k eys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off–it was a fine, dry summer night–, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road headed toward 146.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time,
now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

D umbfounded, the officer said, I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the truly proud driver.

“Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

Wimpiest Dad

Two Kids are arguing over whose Father is the wimpiest….The first one says, ” My Dad is so scared, That when lightening strikes, he slides underneath our bedr.”The second kid says, “That’s nothing. My Dad is so scared that when my Mother works night shift, he sleeps with the woman next door….”

WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?(Aka Please guys don’t kill me)

1. The nice men are ugly.2. The handsome men are not nice.3. The handsome and nice men are gay.4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money, think we are only after their money.7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some

money and, thank God, are heterosexual, are shy and do not NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11.The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ….WHOTHE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

Good day.

After a long silence,

funny_dog_man_doctored_picture.jpg

ninjacat28ov.jpg

0funny10.jpg

dogtired.jpg

butt-face.jpg

The following are tagged Marriage Toons:

source: various

image0011.jpg

image0021.jpg

image0041.jpg

image0051.jpg

image0061.jpg

image007.jpg

More great T-shirts

size-matters.jpg

naughty.jpg

fu.jpg

fell-of.jpg

bombtech.jpg

bikerlesb.jpg

Lost a friend

friend.jpg

Money Roll

money-roll.jpeg

Donkey Bling

donkey-bling.jpeg

GUM GUM:

Mandela is enjoying a hearty breakfast – bacon,
eggs,coffee,croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. WHEN

Bush, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts a conversation:

Bush: “You South Africans eat the whole bread?”

Mandela: “Of course.”

Bush : (blowing bubble with his gum): “We don’t. In the States,
we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle, re-bake them into croissants and sell them to South
Africa .”

Mandela: “Oh Really?”

Bush: “Do you eat jam with the bread?”

Mandela: “Of course.”

Bush: (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth):
“We don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the
peels, seeds and left leftovers into containers, recycle them into
jam and sell it to South Africa .”

Mandela: “Do you have sex in America ?”

Bush: “Of course we do.”

Mandela: “And what do you do with the condoms?”

Bush: “Throw them away of course.”

Mandela: “WE DON’T. We pack them into containers, recycle them,
melt them down, mix with syrup, and rubber edibles, Make
chewing gum and ship them to the USA .

TOTS TSHIRTS :

image001.jpg

image002.jpg

image003.jpg

image004.jpg

image006.jpg

image008.jpg

image009.jpg

image010.jpg

image011.jpg

Apparently the world’s tightest jeans

tight.jpg

This one’s called pole dancer (with a highly explicit tag).

pole-dancer.jpg

omo-stains.jpg

Another sweet gem from the wonderful world of fowards. We welcome your pics and clips. Send all your pics and clips to us at hownowzblog@gmail.com

Advertisements

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. esther naserian  |  June 26, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    first abd foremost i must admit your gallery is tight.Good job people n thumbs up to u!

  • 2. zhedhoka  |  August 24, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    deadlllly

  • 3. megan peterson  |  September 22, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    haha lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


%d bloggers like this: