The ‘REAL’ What to do during an Earthquake

July 21, 2007 at 12:25 pm 1 comment

pic: 3103odl2.jpg

Though the chances of an earthquake occurring in Kenya has been significantly reduced, due to the eruption of Ol Doinyo Lengai -bummer- the govt released a “What to do in-case of an earthquake” guideline.

We think the checklist is a whole lot of crap I mean if there’s a quake in the CBD and you work on the 30th floor of Times Tower ……………………….. who’s going to be rational. Hence in that spirit we’ve released our own more realistic guideline.(not to be construed as mocking the severity of a real disaster)

1. If you’re in a tall building, like Times TowerPANIC !! and also take this chance to repent.(our prayers are with you)

2. To the kawa ‘raia’ get out of the building by any means necessary-lift, escalator or stairs- just a thought but if you jump from lets say 5th floor chances are you’ll probably survive(adrenaline helps)

3. While getting out be sure to raise the alarm-and no this doesn’t mean shouting quake, quake- there may be people who wouldn’t understand. This is more or less screaming your lungs out. This method will assure Kenyans will most definitely run with you without questions like, “ati umesema nini?” and therefore save countless lives.

4. Once out, remember that ka-mobile, flat screen or microwave you’ve always wanted? now is the time to get it. Align yourself on the relevant street (avoid River-Road) and loot erm I meant shop.

5. During your shopping spree, get a Celtel line coz honestly everyone knows in such situations you can’t count on Safaricom (no hard feelings Michael Joseph).

6. Once you’ve got your Celtel line, call all your buddies and family at home to come help you “shop”.The reason the govt tells you to stay home if you’re there is coz they don’t want you to “shop” so get out there and help “shop”

7. If in a car, comprehensively insured, take it to Grogon have it chopped up, get a few complementary bruises, report it stolen wait for the new Premio you wanted. This way you get chums from the spare parts and the insurance company compensates you- everyone’s happy -trust me insurance companies are dying to buy you that new car, they also have targets.

8.After the shock settles and the carnage starts to die out, rush your “shopping” to a safe place, go back and help the ‘raia’ who we left at number 1.

9. In the days that follow slowly shift your “shopping” from the CBD to home.

If you feel I’ve left out a crucial point please feel free to suggest one.


Entry filed under: Misc Rantings.

pics Music?

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Ms K  |  August 30, 2007 at 3:02 pm

    Ha ha that is a seriously hilarious list!!! You should forward it to Mutua.

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