Christmas Goodies

as the festive season begins hownowz feels it shouldn’t be left behind, hence during this festive season (which is enhanced by the fact elections are coming) hownowz will be awarding our most loyal blog readers by sending them airtime, be it Celtel or Safaricom.So to the most loyal reader the spoils go. The criteria that we will use will be based on the number of replies a user posts from the time hownowz was launched.

Though the betting and licensing board won’t be involved, we assure you the process will be free and fair. Also the winners will be notified through email hence we ask all our readers to correctly fill in their email addresses as they post (also REAL email addresses are a good idea ).

the email address to watch out for is hownowzblog@gmail.com. Please do not be deceived by any other address as one will be required to provide their cellphone number.

So from hownowz, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

HomeBoyz Radio

this is is a follow up to the first article. to those who wanted to know HB radio is online and this is their site www.homeboyzradio.co.ke/

must say these dudes know how to keep it real.

Kaz Nudes

SEE SOME OF THE PICS AT OUR NEW SITE: hownowz.co.nr

Now how do you expect hownowz not to have an opinion on this matter, PEOPLE the gal’s bearing it all.

In all fairness, she did request that raia stop forwarding the pics- and in all fairness we shan’t forward you the pics, nor shall we condone the said action on our site.

BUT!!!! in all fairness to the public which we at hownowz believe we serve (ok in this case its just so good a ‘muchene’ we can’t pass it up), we shall link you to the pics.

So is it art, erotica, tacky, porn? You be the judge

Ps. After answering the above do let the world know by posting.

so here

Sports Junkie – by Gaffer

If you are a sports junkie like I am last weekend was an over dose in
terms of sporting action from the rugby world cup final in stade de
France to the Grande De Premio do Brasil track in sao Paulo for the
grand finale F1.Plus the resumption of the premiership after a weeks
break.
It was a weekend that England will love to forget as a nation because
their most cherished sportsmen failed to win anything in sports that
they invented back in the 1800s.
In the final of the rugby world cup in Paris it was decided by the
boots of the much fancied kickers of the two teams that is Jonny
Wilkinson and the Blonde haired fullback for Boks Percy Montgomery.
The Africans played a very efficient game in every department from the
lineout’s they won all 13 of their own throws and won 7 of England’s
26.
The red roses were denied a try by the video referee in the 1st half
but they never seemed to threaten the Boks except for that time their
try was disallowed.
The only Englishman to have lifted the coveted Web Ellis cup that
night was a rugby fan who breeched security and lifted the cup before
being whisked away by officials.
But the Englishmen proved there critics wrong by reaching the final
two times in a row even though everyone thought they were done and
dusted after they were beaten 36-0 by the South Africans in the group
stages
But the action came form sao Paolo where the rookie of the year Luis
Hamilton was in cloud 9 he had the best chance in the world to become
the first rookie to ever win F1 title.
Having been second on the grid behind home boy Felipe Massa the
Englishman was passed first by the ‘Ice man’ kimi raikonen and his
mclaren teammate driver Fernando Alonso in the opening turn.
Then things started to go bad for Hamilton when he fell back to 8th
place and his car had a gear box problem and he went even further back
to 12th place.
The Ferraris had no problems at all in the race and when Massa went
for a pit stop at the 62lap kimi passed Massa and now he was in pole
position and he coolly won the drivers title for the first time to
complete one of the most dramatic climaxes to a Formula One season.
Ferrari also won the constructors title to do a double over the
mclaren team who have announced that the former champ will be leaving
their team to Renault but what will be interesting is who will replace
him but my best choice will have to be the hekki kovalainen.
For all the sports loving people if you didn’t see this dramatic
finish to the two events then you missed a very entertaining weekend
but the good thing is it’s a champions league week and am hoping the
English teams wont get disappointed like they have been for the last
one week from the 3lions loosing to Russia in Moscow, the red roses
loosing in Paris and the new sensation in Britain Hamilton loosing in
Brazil.

New Writer

Hi all we’re proud to be including some new writers very soon. If YOU would like to become a writer to, send us your lines at hownowzblog@gmail.com.

I’m Glad I’m A Woman

I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections
I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don’t get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt
my belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I don’t go around “readjusting” my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind
I’m a woman you see – I’m just not that kind!

I’m glad I’m a woman, I’m so glad I could sing
I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack
And what’s on my head doesn’t leave with my comb
I’ll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I’m a woman, you know – I’ve got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
I don’t live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won’t tell you my wife just does not understand
stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I’m glad I’m a woman, a woman you see
you can forget all about that old penis envy
I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks
join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
I’m a woman by chance and I’m thankful it’s true
I’m so glad I’m a woman and not a man like you!

(source vichekesho)

I’m Glad I’m A Man

I’m Glad I’m A Man
I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe.
I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to – north, south, east or west
I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don’t end up in tears.I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don’t go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don’t whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I’m glad I’m a man, I’m so glad I could sing
I don’t have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don’t gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don’t carry our differences into the sack.
I’ll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there’s trying to steal you.
I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It’s more fun than dealing with women after all
I won’t cry if you figure out it’s not going to work
I won’t remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won’t assume it’s permanent by any measure.

Yes, I’m glad I’m a man, a man you see
I’m glad I’m not capable of child delivery
I don’t get all bitchy every 28 days
I’m glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I’m a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true
I’m so glad I’m a man and not a woman like you!

(Source vichekesho)

Some Uselessly Useful Facts

*This is as told by a seriously hilarious site * vichekesho

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. Hardly seems worth it.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Now that’s more like it!

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. Yikes.

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. In my next life, I want to be a pig.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. Creepy. I’m still not over the pig.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. Don’t try this at home… maybe at work.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. Honey, I’m home. What the…

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. 30 minutes… lucky pig! Can you imagine?

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. I still want to be a pig in my next life… quality over quantity. How about a lionhearted pig?

Butterflies taste with their feet. Something I always wanted to know.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. Hmmmmmm…

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. Okay, so that would be a good thing.

A cat’s urine glows under a black light. I wonder who was paid to figure that out?

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. I know some people like that.

Starfish have no brains. I know some people like that too.

Polar bears are left-handed. If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. What about that pig?

AD MAD

Okay raia, I thought that only politicians lie (blatantly) but a recent attention paying to the ads that air on telly got me like “the hell kebs lets these people get away with”

For example the ad for Mumias sugar goes ati “gives them hope to face the future with confidence” “Ngai fafa!” no wonder I can’t face the future with confidence, my ma used the  bloody imported shizzel- I blame you ma had you used Mumias…………………..

Now since Kebs is the authorita that makes sure products are what they say they are, I wonder what checks they run to make sure that Mumias sugar actually does that.

Apart from that now I forget the soap (methinks dettol) ati you grow strong, the one with the kid lifting the mum. Bollocks, so if a raia uses Lux or maybe Imperial Leather you aren’t shite? Its like eating bananas when you bathe with that soap?

Then there those ads that just piss you off, like that kam-beauty cream ………………….. Fair & Lovely that shite’s to sad I won’t lambast it, then if the “africanised version isn’t bad, they are now showing one with chuties on it – WHAT THE BLOODY FUDGE!!?

Then there those frigging “pad ads” now I have nothing against mother nature but when some amateur  teens start pouring blue ink on cloths and encouraging you to “try this at home”

Now the one “pad ad” I absolutely love has to be the Always fresh one no inky inkies and we get the point. On that note, why do they use blue, why note red (realistic), green, black, I mean wheres the imagination people?

So before I think of some more bad ads, which ones blow you either good or bad?

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.